u know u’re a drunkard when…(05)

• You have a sweet tooth for alcohol—in fact, your whole mouth likes it.
• You spill so much booze at home your dog slurs his barks.
• Your credit history is composed entirely of bar tabs.
• When you get a cold you get a bottle of whiskey, do shots, and it’s gone — not the cold, the whiskey.
• You’re always shaking hands, even when there’s no one else around.
• Whenever you bend your elbow your mouth snaps open.
• You get held up almost every time you have to go home — in fact it’s the only way you can get home.
• You’d be happy to go to church if you could find one with a bar.
• Your favorite bar is four bus stops away — six bus stops coming back.
• The Red Cross uses your blood to sterilize their instruments.
• You’re half scotch, and your ancestors aren’t from Scotland.
• You know how to handle your liquor — with both hands.
• You hate the very sight of liquor, which is why you hide it in your stomach.
• You can tell what bar you’re in by the bottoms of their tables.