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u know u’re a drunkard when… (03)

  • Your favorite drinking game is Do A Shot Every Time You Do A Shot.
  • Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack and a pizza.
  • TV beer ads have started addressing you by name.
  • Someone offers you palm wine and you think they’re out of glassware.
  • You brush your teeth with bourbon. It hasn’t helped cut down on cavities, but who cares?
  • When a begger asks, “Can you give me a $$$ for some beer?” you reply, “Okay, but I want to taste it first.”
  • You know heavy drinking makes you smarter because you can never remember doing anything stupid while blacked out.
  • You have a split personality—every time you meet someone with booze you want to split it with them.
  • You were so drunk at the office Xmas party that you kissed your own wife.
  • You’ve never been to Afghanistan or Pakistan, but you’re a frequent visitor to Imtoodrunktostan.
  • You become sexually aroused by the tapping of a jug.
  • You know you can use Jagermeister as cough syrup. And visa versa.
  • Your 86s are passed down to your grandchildren.

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