Dec 4, 2007

50 Irritating Ideas

50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damn it, all of you just SHUT UP!"

4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Guide Cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside- down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever shat in your pants?"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."

14. One word: Flatulence! (fart)

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the dollar coin you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a 20 cent in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.

25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

34. Play the accordion.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your chewing gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "FUCKIN BITCH!!!"

50. Get a square cardboard box and put it in the corner of the elevater. Have something make ticking noises. When someone gets on, and the elevater starts moving, point to the box and say "whats that?".

(WARNING: DO NOT try this at Orchard Towers or Mings Arcade! You might just get a beating of your life from the morons that hang there...)

2 comments:

  1. today you very free dude..i am sleepy at work. and the 50 things hmmmm... is quite stupid la... and silly for the reason you put it up there for.. heeee... zzzzz I wanna go home & zonk out early. or maybe to the gym.

    ReplyDelete
  2. of course it's stupid. it's supposed to be stupid yet funny. instead of sleeping, try one of the ideas in the lift.... doo dee doo...

    ReplyDelete

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